3.6.4 Rights And Obligations Of Husband And Wife

From a material as well as a spiritual point of view, Islam recognizes the position of woman to be the same as that of man. Good works bring the same reward, whether to a male or a female: “I will not suffer the work of a worker among you to be lost, whether male or female, the one of you being from the other” (3:195). Paradise and its blessings are equally for both: “And whoever does good deeds whether male or female, and he (or she) is a believer — these shall enter the Garden” (40:40; 4:124). Both shall enjoy the higher life: “Whoever does good, whether male or female, and is a believer, We shall certainly make him (or her) live a good life” (16:97). Revelation, which is God’s greatest spiritual gift in this life is granted to men as well as to women: “And when the angels said: O Mary, surely, Allah has chosen thee and purified thee” (3:42); “And We revealed to Moses’ mother, saying: Give him suck; then when thou fearest for him, cast him into the river and fear not, nor grieve” (28:7). From a material point of view, woman is recognized as on a par with man. She can earn money and own property just as a man can do and therefore she may, if she feels the need, follow any profession. “For men is the benefit of what they earn. And for women is the benefit of what they earn” (4:32). She has full control over her property and can dispose of it as she likes: “But if they (the women) of themselves be pleased to give you a portion thereof (i.e., of their property), consume it with enjoyment” (4:4). Women can also inherit property as men can: “For men is a share of what the parents and the near relatives leave, and for women a share of what the parents and the near relatives leave” (4:7).

By entering the married state, a woman does not lose any of the rights which she possesses as an individual member of society. She is still free to carry on any work she likes, to make any contract she desires, to dispose of her property as she wishes; nor is her individuality merged in that of her husband. But she is at the same time recognized as undertaking new responsibilities of life, which carry with them new rights. The Holy Qur’an settles the principle: “And women have rights similar to their obligations, in a just manner” (2:228). These are the rights and responsibilities of the home. Hadith describes her position in the home as that of a ra‘iyah or ruler: “Every one of you is a ruler and every one shall be questioned about his subjects; the Amir (the King) is a ruler, and the man is a ruler over the people of his house, and the woman is a ruler over the house of her husband and his children, so every one of you is a ruler and every one shall be questioned about his subjects” (Bu. 67:91). Thus so far as the home is concerned, the wife has the position of a ruler in it, the home being her territory. By marriage she is at once raised to a higher dignity and acquires new rights, though at the same time she incurs new responsibilities. Her rights as regards her husband are also affirmed in Hadith, as the Holy Prophet said to ‘Abd Allah ibn ‘Umar: “Thy body has a right over thee and thy soul has a right over thee and thy wife has a right over thee” (Bu. 67:90).

As already stated the mutual relation of husband and wife is described in the Holy Qur’an as one of a single soul in two bodies: “And of His signs is this, that He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find quiet of mind in them, and He put between you love and compassion” (30:21); “He it is Who created you from a single soul, and of the same did He make his mate, that he might find comfort in her” (7:189). The same idea is elsewhere very beautifully described in different words: “They (your wives) are an apparel for you and you are an apparel for them” (2:187). The closest union of two souls could not be described more aptly; yet Islam is a practical religion and it does not shut its eyes to the hard realities of life. It describes the home as a unit in the greater organization of a nation as a whole, and just as in the vaster national organization there is somebody to exercise the final authority in certain cases, so the smaller organization of the home cannot be maintained without a similar arrangement. Hence the husband is first spoken of as being “a ruler over the people of the house” and the wife is then described as “a ruler over the house of her husband and his children.” The home is thus a kingdom in miniature, where authority is exercised by both the husband and the wife. But unless one of them is given a higher authority, there would be chaos in this kingdom. The reason for giving the higher authority to the male parent is thus stated in the Holy Qur’an: “Men are the maintainers of women, with what Allah has made some of them to excel others, and with what they spend out of their wealth” (4:34). The Arabic word for maintainers is qawwamun, pl. of qawwam, derived from qama, meaning he stood up, but when used with a ba or ‘ala, qama carries the significance of maintaining or managing. Thus qama bi-l-yatim means he maintained the orphan, and qama ‘alai-ha means he maintained the woman and managed her affair (LL.). The word qawwamun (maintainers) carries a double significance. It means that the husband provides maintenance for the wife, and also that he has final charge of the affairs of the home, thus exercising authority over the wife when there is need for it. The reason for giving a higher authority to man is contained in the word qawwamun itself. It is the man who can be entrusted with the maintenance of the family, and therefore it is he who must hold the higher authority.

The function of the husband and the wife are quite distinct, and each is entrusted with the functions which are best suited for his or her nature. The Holy Qur’an says that God has made man and woman to excel each other in certain respects. The man excels the woman in constitution and physique, and is therefore capable of bearing greater hardships and facing greater physical dangers than a woman. On the other hand, the woman excels the man in the qualities of love and affection. Nature, for her own purpose of helping in the growth of creation, has endowed the female among human beings, as well as among the lower animals, with the quality of love to a much higher degree than the male. Hence there is a natural division as between man and woman of the main work which is to be carried on for the progress of humanity. Man is suited to face the hard struggles of life on account of his stronger physique; woman is suited to bring up the children because of the preponderance of the quality of love in her. The duty of the maintenance of the family has therefore been entrusted to the man, and the duty of bringing up the children to the woman. And each is vested with authority suited to the function with which he or she is entrusted. Hence it is that men are spoken of as being the maintainers of women, and women as “rulers over the household and the children.”

This division of work is only the general rule; it does not mean that woman has entirely been excluded from other kinds of activity. A study of the Hadith literature shows that, notwithstanding her rightful position in the home, as the bringer up of children and manager of the household, women took interest in all the national activities of the Muslim community. The care of the children did not prevent her from repairing to the mosque to join the congregational prayers, nor was this care an obstacle in her way to join the soldiers in the field of battle, to perform a large number of duties, such as the carrying of provisions, taking care of the sick and the wounded, removing the wounded and the slain from the battlefield, or taking part in actual fighting when necessary. One of the Holy Prophet’s wives, Zainab, used to prepare hides and to devote the proceeds of the sale to charitable work. Women also helped their husbands in the labour of the field, served the male guests at a feast and carried on business, they could sell to and purchase from men, and men could sell to and purchase from them. A woman was appointed by the Caliph ‘Umar as superintendent of the market of Madinah. But these were exceptions. The proper sphere of the woman was the house and care of the children.

The family concern must be kept going by husband and wife in mutual co-operation. The husband is mainly required to earn for the maintenance of the family, and the wife is responsible for the management of the household and the bringing up of the children. The rights of each against the other are therefore centred in these two points. The husband is bound to maintain the wife according to his means, as the Holy Qur’an says: “Let him who has abundance spend out of his abundance, and whoever has his means of subsistence straitened to him, let him spend out of that which Allah has given him. Allah lays not on any soul a burden beyond that which He has given it.” (65:7).

He must also provide for her a lodging: “Lodge them where you live, according to your means” (65:6). The wife is bound to keep company with her husband, to preserve the husband’s property from loss or waste, and to refrain from doing anything which should disturb the peace of the family. She is required not to admit anyone into the house whom the husband does not like, and not to incur expenditure of which the husband disapproves (Bu. 67:87). She is not bound to render personal service such as the cooking of food, but the respective duties of the husband and wife are such that each must always be ready to help the other. The wife must help the husband even in the field of labour if she can do it, and the husband must help the wife in the household duties. Of the Holy Prophet himself, it is related that he used to help his wives in many small works of the household, such as the milking of the goats, patching his clothes, mending his shoes, cleansing the utensils, and so on.

The Holy Qur’an lays the greatest possible stress on kindly and good treatment towards the wife. “Keep them in good fellowship” and “treat them kindly” is the oft-recurring advice of the Holy Qur’an (2:229, 231; 4:19, etc.). So much so that kindness is recommended even when a man dislikes his wife, for “it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it” (4:19). The Holy Prophet laid equally great stress upon good treatment of a wife. “The most excellent of you,” he is reported to have said, “is he who is best in his treatment of his wife” (MM. 13:II-ii). “Accept my advice in the matter of doing good to women,” is another hadith (Bu.67:81). In his famous address at the Farewell Pilgrimage, he again laid particular stress on the good treatment of women:

“O my people! you have certain rights over your wives and so have your wives over you … They are the trust of Allah in your hands. So you must treat them with all kindness” (M. 16:17).

In one hadith which enjoins kindness to women, the woman is compared to a rib: “The woman is like a rib, if you try to straighten it, you will break it” (Bu. 67:80). The rib is bent in its make and not straight, and it serves best its purpose in the state in which it is created, and so of the woman it is said that being like a rib she serves her purpose best in the state in which she has been created: to straighten her, i.e., to make her work just as the man pleases, or to try to make her possess the sterner qualities of man, is to break her down. As already pointed out, the temperament of man differs from that of woman in one respect. Man is stern and harsh, therefore largely unyielding; it was necessary that he should be so, so that he might be able to face the hard struggles of life. The woman who is meant to bring up the children has been so created that the quality of love preponderates in her and she is devoid of the sternness of man; she is therefore inclined to one side sooner than the man, and on account of this quality she is compared to the rib. Her being bent like the rib is adduced as an argument for being kind to her and for leaving her in that state.

While, great stress is laid on the kind treatment of woman, and it is even recommended that she may be allowed to work in any way she likes, the husband is permitted to take stern measures in case of her immoral conduct. Islam places the highest value upon the chastity of the woman, and therefore if there is a falling off from the high standard of morality, the woman is not entitled to that honour and kindly treatment which is accorded to her otherwise. The Holy Qur’an allows stern measures in the case of nushuz, which means the rising of the wife against her husband or her revolt and includes resisting the husband, and hating, and deserting him (LL.). Some commentators explain nushuz as meaning her leaving the husband’s place and taking up an abode which he does not like (AH.). Apparently the word covers a wide range of meaning and, therefore the remedy suggested in such cases is of three kinds. “And as to those on whose part you fear desertion (nushuz) admonish them and leave them alone in the beds, and chastise them” (4:34). When the nushuz is very ordinary and there is nothing serious about it, for instance, when it is a mere resistance of the husband’s authority, the remedy suggested is simple admonition. If hatred is combined with resistance of authority, a stronger remedy is suggested, and the husband is allowed, in that case, to show his disapproval of her conduct by keeping her separated from himself. But if the wife goes beyond that and deserts the husband, and her conduct becomes suspicious, then, as a last resort, chastisement is permitted. It cannot be denied that cases do happen when this extreme step becomes necessary, but these are exceptional cases and their occurrence is generally limited to the rougher strata of society where the remedy of slight corporal punishment is not only unobjectionable but necessary.

There are hadith showing that the infliction of slight corporal punishment was permitted only when the conduct of the wife became objectionable, and she was as it were in open revolt against the husband. Thus a hadith in Muslim says: “And be careful of your duty to Allah in the matter of women, for you have taken them as the trust of Allah … and they owe to you this obligation that they will not allow anyone to come into your house when you do not like. If they do, then give them (slight) corporal punishment which may not leave any effect on their bodies” (M. 15:19). This shows that the infliction of slight corporal punishment is limited only to the extreme cases. Another hadith shows that such conduct on the part of the wife, or such treatment on the part of the husband, would not be expected in any good family. When certain women complained to the Holy Prophet of the ill-treatment of their husbands, he is reported to have admonished the men in the following words: ‘Many women have come to the house of Muhammad complaining about their husbands; such husbands are by no means the good ones among you” (AD. 12:42). Bukhari also refers to the hadith of Muslim quoted above and gives another under the heading “What is disliked in the matter of giving corporal punishment to women,” according to which the Holy Prophet is reported to have said: “Let not one of you inflict corporal punishment upon his wife as he would inflict it upon his slave, for he will be having amorous relations with her soon afterwards” (Bu. 67:94).

On another occasion too, the husband is allowed to exercise his authority against the wife, and this too is an occasion where the wife’s conduct is openly immoral: “And as for those of your women who are guilty of an indecency (fahishah), call to witness against them four witnesses from among you; then if they bear witness, confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them” (4:15); Allah’s opening a way for them means that they show sincere repentance. The fahishah spoken of here is clearly immoral conduct, and the punishment is a restriction on the woman’s movements so that she is deprived of the liberty to move freely in society. Reading this verse along with 4:34, relating to the infliction of corporal punishment it appears that confining to the house is the first step, and it is when they repeat their evil deeds in the house, or do not submit to the authority of the husband and desert him, that permission is given to inflict corporal punishment which is the last resort. And if even this step does not make them mend their ways, matrimonial relations may be ended.

It has already been shown that women are not forbidden to take part in any activity when necessary, nor is there any injunction in the Holy Qur’an or the Hadith shutting them up within the four walls of their houses. On the other hand, the Holy Book speaks of a Muslim society in which man and woman had often to meet each other: “Say to the believing men that they lower their gaze and restrain their sexual passions. That is purer for them … And say to the believing women that they lower their gaze and restrain their sexual passions and not display their adornment except what appears thereof ” (24:30, 31). A later revelation supports the same conclusion: “O Prophet, tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to let down upon themselves their over-garments. This is more proper, so that they may be known, and not be given trouble” (33:59). If women did not go out of their houses, where was the necessity of asking them to wear a distinctive dress, and where was the occasion for their being troubled? According to Hadith, the Holy Prophet is reported to have said to women: “It is permitted to you to go out for your needs (hajah)” (Bu. 4:13; 67:116). The injunction to the Holy Prophet’s wives in a verse of the Holy Qur’an does not mean that they were not to go out for their needs. The verse in question runs thus: “And stay in your houses and display not your beauty like the displaying of the ignorance of yore’’ (33:33). This is evidently an injunction against the parading of finery and display of beauty and thus exciting the uncontrolled passions of youth. It cannot and does not mean, as explained by the Holy Prophet himself that the women are not allowed to go out for their needs. Display of beauty and going out for one’s need are quite different things. There is, therefore, no seclusion in Islam in the sense that women are shut up within their houses for they are as free to move about for their needs, or the transaction of their affairs, as men. Only their needs outside the home are generally fewer, and their duties are to a large extent limited to the home.

The next question is whether women are commanded to veil themselves when they have to go out for their needs. These needs may be either religious or secular. Two prominent instances of the former are taking part in public prayers, and the performance of pilgrimage. If it had been necessary for women to wear veils, an injunction should have been given to wear them on these two sacred occasions, since these are the occasions on which men’s sentiments should be purest, and when, therefore, all those things that excite the passions must be avoided. There is, however, not only no such injunction but it was a recognized practice that women came into the congregation of men in mosques unveiled (IJ-C. XVIII, p. 84). It is even admitted by the jurists that women should not veil themselves at prayers, and on pilgrimage. In the conditions of prayers it is laid down that the body of the women must be covered entirely except her face and her hands (H.I, p. 88, Shurut al-Salat). The exception of these two parts, it is added, is due to the fact that they must of necessity be left exposed. As regards pilgrimage, there is an express injunction in Hadith that no woman shall put on a veil during the pilgrimage (Bu. 25:23). It is also a well-established fact that the mosques in the Holy Prophet’s time contained no screens to keep the two sexes separate. The only separation between the men and the women was that women stood in separate rows behind the men. Otherwise they were in the same room or in the same yard, and the two sexes had to intermingle. In the pilgrimage there was a much greater intermingling of the sexes, women performing circumambulations of the Ka‘bah, running between Safa and Marwah, staying in the plain of ‘Arafat and going from place to place, along with men, and yet they were enjoined not to wear a veil.

If then, as admitted on all hands, women did not wear a veil when the two sexes intermingled on religious occasions, when the very sacredness of the occasion called for a veil, if ever the veil was a necessity, it is a foregone conclusion that they could not be required to veil themselves when going out for their secular needs whose very performance would be hampered by the veil. And there is no such injunction either in the Holy Qur’an or Hadith. In fact, no such injunction could be given when there existed an injunction that women shall remain unveiled in pilgrimage. This injunction rather shows that the veil was adopted simply as a mark of rank or greatness, and the unveiling was required in order to bring all on a level of equality. However that may be, the order to remain unveiled in the pilgrimage is a clear proof that wearing the veil is not an Islamic injunction or practice. And the verses requiring both men and women to keep their looks cast down show clearly that, when the two sexes had to intermingle as a matter of necessity, the women were not veiled, for otherwise there would have been no need for the men to keep their looks cast down. And to make the matter clearer still, it is added that they should “not display their adornment, except what appears thereof.” The part that necessarily appears is the face and the hands, and this is also the view of the vast majority of commentators (IJ—C. XVIII, p. 84; RM. VI, p. 52). There is also a hadith according to which the Holy Prophet is reported to have excepted the face and the hands from the parts which were required to be covered: “Asma’, daughter of Abu Bakr, came to the Holy Prophet, and she was wearing very thin clothes (through which the body could be seen). The Holy Prophet turned away his face from her and said, O Asma’! when the woman attains her majority, it is not proper that any part of her body should be seen except this and this, pointing to his face and his hands” (AD. 31:30).

All that the Holy Qur’an requires is that women should be decently dressed when they go out and that they should not uncover their bosoms. This is made clear in 24:31: “And say to the believing women that they … should not display their adornment except what appears thereof. And let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms.” The practice in Arabia, in pre-Islamic times, of displaying beauty, included the uncovering of the bosom, and hence the injunction relating to its covering. A difference was thus made between the dress of women within their houses and when they appeared in public; in the former case they were allowed to be more at ease in the matter of their dress, but in public they had to be particular so that their very appearance should be indicative of modesty. On another occasion, the Muslim women are required to wear a dress whose very appearance should distinguish them from such women as did not have a good reputation: “O Prophet! tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to let down upon them their over-garments; this is more proper, so that they may be known, and not be given trouble” (33:59). It seems that this injunction was required by the special circumstances which then prevailed at Madinah, where the hypocrites would molest a good Muslim woman who went out to transact her affairs and then offer the excuse that they thought her to be a woman of ill repute. This is plainly hinted in the verse that follows: “If the hypocrites and those in whose hearts is a disease and the agitators in Madinah desist not, We shall certainly urge thee on against them, then they shall not be thy neighbours in it but for a little while” (33:60). The Arabic word for over-garment is jilbab and it means a garment with which the woman covers her other garments or a woman’s head-covering, or a garment with which she covers her head and bosom (LL.). It may be part of an ordinary dress or it may be a kind of overcoat. Nor is the wearing of it compulsory under all circumstances; it is rather a kind of protection when there is fear of trouble, and in the case of older women it is dispensed with altogether as stated elsewhere: “And as for women past childbearing who hope not for marriage, it is no sin for them if they put off their cloaks without displaying their adornments” (24:60).

Islam sets great value on the privacy of home-life. In the first place going into houses without permission is strictly forbidden: “O you who believe, enter not houses other than your own houses, until you have asked permission and saluted their inmates” (24:27). And again: “O you who believe, let those whom your right hands possess and those of you who have not attained to puberty ask permission of you three times; before the morning prayer, and when you put off your clothes for the heat of noon, and after the prayer of night. These are three times of privacy for you” (24:58). The Holy Prophet’s privacy was also to be respected: “O you who believe, enter not the houses of the Prophet unless permission is given to you for a meal, not waiting for its cooking being finished — but when you are invited, enter, and when you have taken food, disperse … And when you ask of them (the women) any goods, ask of them from behind a curtain (hijab)” (33:53). The concluding words of the verse aim not only at privacy but also afford a rule of guidance for the maintenance of better relations between the husband and the wife. In fact, all the above rules relating to privacy aim at creating a better atmosphere of sexual morality.

In the struggle of life the intermingling of the two sexes cannot be avoided, and Islam allows such intermingling even for religious purposes, as in prayers and pilgrimage. On all such occasions, when intermingling is necessary, the Holy Qur’an requires the women to appear in their simplest dress, or to wear an over-garment which should cover their ornaments, at the same time requiring both sexes to keep their looks cast down. Unnecessary mingling of the sexes is discouraged. Some hadith prohibit a woman being alone in private with a man who is not her dhu mahram (i.e., a near relative with whom marriage is prohibited) unless a dhu mahram is present (Bu. 67:112); but when other people are also present, or one is exposed to public view, there is no harm in being alone with a woman (Bu. 67:113). The intermingling of the sexes in social functions generally cannot be traced in the early history of Islam, though there are examples in which a woman entertained the male guests of her husband (Bu. 67:78). This was a case of a marriage-feast (walimah) in which the bride served the guests, but it cannot be said whether this was before the revelation of the 24th chapter or after it. In fact, much would depend, in these matters, on the social customs of the people, and no hard and fast rules can be laid down as to the limits to which the intermingling of the sexes may be allowed. The great object before Islam is to raise the moral status of society and to minimize the chances of illicit sexual relations growing up between the sexes, so that the home may be a haven of peace for the husband, the wife and the children.